Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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