Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
