I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
