I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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