Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
