but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
