she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Found your dick twin last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
