are you still at the devil's house?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
