hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
