so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
