tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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