Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
