I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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