i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
