I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
