i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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