what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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