I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
