Umm I'm too high to move.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
