Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
