Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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