Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
