Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
