You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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