you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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