Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
not ubering you a puppy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
