I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
