I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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