i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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