FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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