matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
