I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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