Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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