I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
40s are totally the cure
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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