first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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