I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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