I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
