I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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