1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
