im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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