Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
