Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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