I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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