I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
