I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
