Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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