is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
