just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm like, not good at living.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
