guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
