When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
