Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
