Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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