i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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