the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
