maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
