so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I touched a dick in church today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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