Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
