I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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