Do you still have your period?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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