dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
