I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
