from now on my penis is your penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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