I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
