mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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