Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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