I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
