Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
